One of the last books I read was Rock, Paper, Scissors by Alice Feeney.
It centres on a young couple taking a weekend break in the Scottish Highlands. The problem is that neither of them feel like they can trust the other, and potentially deadly shenanigans are afoot.
That’s why I’m single. No other reason.
Anyway, I ended up giving the book 5/5 stars on Goodreads – something I never really do – and it’s being made into a Netflix series, which I’m looking forward to.
Why have I started this Extremely Online article with a book review?
You’ll just have to read on to find out…
Rock, paper, scissors
The ultimate flex: being so far ahead of everyone else that you have the ability to decide a stage victory through ‘rock, paper, scissors’.
Tadej Pogačar unsurprisingly dominated the Tour of Slovenia.
His win on the third stage thrust him into the leader’s jersey, but it was the fourth stage into Velika Planina that got people talking.
Pogačar and his UAE teammate Rafał Majka had time to deliberate who should cross the line first. Is it a two-up sprint? A cat and mouse waiting game?
The Slovenian chose rock, yet we all know paper beats it. After one go and not even a ‘best of three’, Majka won the game and the stage.
Or, another perspective:
I’m just jealous. If I tried that, I’d pull a Joe Biden and fall off.
Tour de DNF
Covid ran absolutely rampant in the peloton at the Tour de Suisse, knocking out riders and in some cases, whole teams.
Only 79 riders made it to the finish.
Hopefully it won’t impact the Tour de France too much, but who knows?
On a lighter note, Ineos Grenadiers’ Geraint Thomas became the first ever Brit to claim overall victory.
Remco Evenepoel of QuickStep Alpha Vinyl Team endured a mixed week, falling out of contention on stage five before winning the final stage time-trial.
One could only hope to receive such an endearing compliment from Geraint Thomas <3
But spare a thought for the other Geraint Thomas.
Elsewhere at the Tour de Suisse, Lotto Soudal put the ‘team’ in teamwork…
Either that, or they superglued themselves together as a prank, got stuck, and had to make it work.
Tom Daley, is that you?
I’ve seen better dives from footballers, but Intermarché–Wanty–Gobert Matériaux’s Quinten Hermans gave it a good go.
There was only one way to cool off after winning stage four at the Baloise Belgium Tour.
Good entry, minimal splash, yet all my years as a professional diving judge whenever the Olympics roll around tell me that you just cannot separate your legs before going into the water.
Special shout-out: Monopoly
Julian Alaphilippe is here with a new way to tear your family apart at the dinner table, accuse your sister of stealing money from the bank or panic when it comes to having to do some basic maths.
I won’t be paying €50 for the pleasure, but I will now be planning which other games would benefit from a cycling-related spin.
Snakes and ladders? That’s just a regular GC battle. Except if you land on a snake, you get moved back 20 places and catch Covid.
What a delight.
See you next week!